When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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