So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize