It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
