ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
