I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
