Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
