Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
