FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
