he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
