whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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