I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
