I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
