Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
