I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
