A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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