hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
