Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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