worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
