I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
