32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
