Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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