bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
