Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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