their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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