i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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