that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I understand Curling. That high.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
