The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
