our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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