dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I faked an abortion last night.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
