You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I love you.
Bad choice
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