no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
