I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
