Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
