Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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