I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
