Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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