i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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