Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i think my mom watched the whole time
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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