Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my shit smells like andre
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
