So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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