i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize