I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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