a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
