and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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