Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
