I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
