if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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