why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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