Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
