His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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