Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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