I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
