K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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