I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
