I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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