Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
