it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
