just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just found a bag of teeth...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize