so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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