after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
