'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
