Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize