Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I touched a dick in church today
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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