I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
