I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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