I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
