If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize