I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
