Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
