He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
