Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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