get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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