You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Text me some of your sweat
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
