Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize