You smell like stripper and shame
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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