Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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