it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize