i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
