Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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