i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
