you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
