I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
