Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
