I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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