your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
