i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
