oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
