I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
