I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
