My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
